You Are Overstimulated Too

We spend a lot of time thinking about what screens do to our kids. Less time thinking about what they've already done to us.

Your attention has changed

Researcher Gloria Mark at UC Irvine has been studying attention for two decades. In 2004, the average time someone spent on a single screen task before switching was about two and a half minutes. By the 2020s, it was down to 47 seconds (Mark, 2023).

That's not because you're lazy. That's because every app on your phone is engineered to interrupt you, redirect you, and pull you back in. Your brain adapted to an environment that fragments attention. You didn't choose it. It happened to you.

Now add a toddler

Parenting a small child is already one of the most cognitively demanding things a person can do. You're tracking safety, food, sleep, emotions, language development, and social situations simultaneously. All day. With very little recovery time.

On top of that, you're carrying what researcher Allison Daminger calls the "cognitive dimension of household labour": the invisible work of anticipating, planning, monitoring, and deciding that sits mostly in one parent's head (Daminger, 2019). It's not just doing the tasks. It's remembering that the tasks exist.

By 6pm, your brain is spent. The phone appears because your capacity has run out, not because you don't care.

Rest is not idleness

There's a part of your brain called the default mode network. It activates when you're not focused on any task: daydreaming, staring out a window, sitting quietly. Research shows this isn't wasted time. It's when your brain processes emotions, consolidates memories, and builds your sense of self (Immordino-Yang, 2012).

Both you and your toddler need this. Low-stimulation time isn't a gap in the day. It's part of how brains recover.

So when you put something calm on for your kid and sit in silence for ten minutes: you're both doing something important. Even if it doesn't feel productive.